A Perfect Plan to handle the family Christmas dinner

There is no Christmas without a turkey with chestnuts, without champagne, without gifts and an extended family meal. And sometimes, it only takes two strokes of a fork for the magic of Christmas to fly. But this time, we’ll be ready. Here’s a survival guide to having a smooth Christmas dinner.

Yes, it’s nice to get together around a turkey with chestnuts, to hear from our cousins that we rarely see, to drink while promising that “this year, we see each other more often, eh”… But, like everywhere, there are people and situations that we would like to avoid. Perhaps one of the reasons why 36% of French people do not look forward to Christmas.

This is an in text image which shows the way to plan to Handle Family Christmas Dinner

No stress: this year, we will not let our family dinner disturb our good winter mood. It will even be the best we have ever had because we will have an answer to everything and everyone. Send the turkey!


Start a plan to survive on the family Dinner table

At our age, the brother was married with a booster seat in the back seat and had bought his apartment. We rent, we struggle on Tinder, and we have an alarm so as not to skip the pill.

So, when the prodigy son arrives while we scratch the peanuts for the aperitif while pouring champagne, our aunt ticks: “And you, then, where are you? »Bah… to the third cup.

Solution to Manage-

We avoid claiming that we are taking advantage of our youth. Or burst into tears and howl that no one wants us and that our boss will never increase us.

We are merely telling the truth: we are comfortable in our stilettos, in no hurry, and we would gladly have champagne again, thank you. Otherwise, we anticipate by distributing to each guest a small reminder, on which is printed: “Always celibate, always in the same box, still the same salary. Kisses. “


The mom who cracks at Christmas dinner 

She ordered the turkey for the Christmas dinner in June, spent three hours setting the table measuring the distance between cutlery and plates, is still wearing her apron with embroidered reindeer, and we are beginning to make out a throbbing vein in her body. Forehead.

Between checking the cooking, the continuous passages of the garbage collector and panicked realizations (“Someone has seen the cat?!”), there, our dear mother, she is on the verge of an impressive Christmas burnout. All it takes is a small overcooked oven for her to pass out.

Solution to manage Everything –

Even if her uninterrupted kitchen-living room trips make us dizzy and, incredibly, she is still a little stressed for a turkey-giveaway evening, and we must admit that she gave herself.

So we tell her, from time to time, that the decor is excellent, that the dishes are delicious. We tell her that she has insured and that we are grateful to her. And we refill it with champagne—all the time.


Family meal: the Erotic uncle

Lustful wink, fat laughter and three small slaps on the thighs: That uncle is the ball of the evening, the one that you avoid like a maintenance hole cover when you are in heels.

Solution to manage the Situation –

If we are not designated to take care of the seating plan, we take advantage of the aperitif to reverse the labels discreetly. Neither seen nor known, and I confuse you.

And when he makes an annoying remark to us, we pretend not to hear, or we bluntly tell him that he makes us uncomfortable. If we don’t feel like standing up to the scoundrel, we play it ingenuously startled: “Daddy, your brother scares me. “No, but.


Dealing with Militant Grandmother at Christmas Dinner

“It’s funny; I don’t do it like that, the turkey, me.” In the family, it is well known: Granny, she loves to wedge her cane in all the wheels that pass.

His two Usually Boring calls per year, we expect them as the rain after brushing.

Seated in her chair, which she will not be leaving for the evening, Granny looks at each guest and pricks a spade when she is inspired – that is, as soon as someone opens her mouth. We’d be fine without her (and we’re not the only one) but what do you want, it seems, she’s family.

Solution To Manage –

Instead of getting upset – which couldn’t make her more happy – we adopt this technique of expressing what we feel.

We offer her our best-beaten puppy pout, and we look up at her with wide, offended eyes: “What you say hurts me.” Why are you talking like that? “And hop! We take out the popcorn: to see her hesitate, frown and dry, it’s worth all the spades on our two extra pounds.


Overwrought kids, the big family meal challenge

In less time than it takes Uncle Hubert to pour himself a whiskey, six overexcited kids have made the crib fly, exploded a vase, and are swinging Christmas balls, hidden behind the armchairs.

As soon as calm seems to be restored, they come galloping, all perspiring, wide-eyed and petit fours stuck to their foreheads: “When are the gifts?”! We try to keep our minds aside and stay calm while various unidentified flying objects cut our fringes on all sides.

Solution to Manage –

We would be tempted to opt for the ruthless monster technique by dropping sleeping pills in their Coke, but we risk being deprived of turkey and inheritance if the deception is discovered.

The best solution would be to provide a superior room for them to let off steam during the aperitif, or an armoured cartoon tablet to hypnotize them for a few hours. And, during the meal, they are reminded that Santa Claus only travels for good children.


Usually Get Bored On Christmas Traditional Dinner

With a smoky eye and austere expression, Julia would prefer to be elsewhere, and she intends to make it clear. The only time we heard her speak was when she asked for a Coke whiskey – which she did not obtain – from Uncle Hubert, who suddenly used another.

Between two loud sighs, she deploys her selfie stick and snaps her, while her mother nervously pulls on her crop top so that Granny doesn’t spot him.

Solution to Manage –

In order not to trigger cries and long tirades about the fact that life is shit and that no one understands it, we really avoid to getting stuck on our selfies.

 The wisest thing is to check your Facebook, Instagram and Twitter pages a few days earlier to find out a little about his tastes. Does she love fashion? We are talking about fashion week. Is she a fan of One Direction? Maybe we’ll let her strum alone, eventually.


How to Complete Family Meal with Peace –  

This year, our cousin has one more , her new guy. So, of course, it’s nice to present him to his in-laws, but at a Christmas dinner, it’s a little suck. Because everyone is telling each other about his latest adventures, and he is 25 seasons behind.  As soon as someone opens their mouth, our cousin subtitles them like an interpreter during an interview in another.

Unless our cousin briefed him (too) well, and he arrives hilariously: “So, it’s you who adore Celine Dion and who stuck your finger in a sink at Ikea when you were 23? “

Solution to Manage –

Okay, come on, he looks nice, Basile. And then, it feels good, from time to time, to hear new stories (because let’s are honest, the development of Uncle Hubert who dredged Pamela Anderson on Chatroulette and that of our godmother who won a beauty when she was 12, we know).

In addition, it must be pulled out of the clutches of Grandma, who is already asking him if he has been denied by his family to be with his on a night like this.


The Unexpected Announcement on the Dinner table

We are on the verge of gleefully swallowing a small oven when our aunt puts down her cup and let’s go: “Frank and I are getting divorced.

Solution to Manage –

Do not swallow the small oven. I repeat: do not destroy the short-range. Cough if necessary. Check that Daddy, didn’t make the same mistake we did. Have a drink. Listen to our aunt and Change the subject, then have a few jokes in stock to lighten the mood.

Do not tell the story of the woman who do excellent work and get appraisal earlier.